CHARLES H. PERKINS
EXAMINE YOURSELF
(2 Corinthians 13:5) Examine yourselves as to whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves.
2 Corinthians 13:5 you are told to examine yourself to see where you are in your faith. In other words, where are you in your relationship with God? Do you truly love Him or are you just looking for a blessing? Do you get mad at God because something did not go your way? Is your faith deeper; is your love stronger? How is your prayer life? Do you study His Word to know Him better and to get closer to Him? Is your relationship with Him the top priority in your life? Examine yourself and see where your faith is. No matter where it is, do all you can to make it better.
As we go into this new year of 2020, if you are married, apply that same principle to your marriage. Examine yourself and see where you are in your marriage. Do you love your spouse more? Are you less critical and condescending? How much of yourself do you give into the marriage to make it as good as possible. And I mean giving of yourself, not your money, doing duties around the house or the usual stuff you do every day in the hustle and bustle of life. You can do all of that stuff perfectly and still hate each other. I mean how much of you, your love, your compassion, your encouragement, your desire, forgiveness, patience do you give. Do you bring joy and peace into the relationship or are you like a vacuum cleaner and suck all of the joy and peace out of the relationship? After your relationship with God, is your relationship with your spouse your top priority? Examine yourself and see where you are in your relationship with your spouse. You marriage is worth it. No matter where it is, do all you can to make it better.
Just as your love for The Lord should always grow, your love for your spouse should always grow. Anything that doesn’t grow eventually stagnates and dies. Again, examine yourself.
Sunday, February 2, 2020
A Short Thought on Marriage Especially For Young Couples.
A Short Thought on Marriage Especially For Young Couples.
You found your way TO each other. Now put in the time it takes to find your way WITH each other.
You found your way TO each other. Now put in the time it takes to find your way WITH each other.
TILL DEATH DO US PART
CHARLES H. PERKINS
TILL DEATH DO US PART
(1 Peter 4:8) "And above all things have fervent love for one another, for 'love will cover a multitude of sins.' ”
(Ephesians 5:15-16) “See then that you walk circumspectly, not as fools but as wise, 16 redeeming the time, because the days are evil.”
(Ephesians 4:26-27) 26 “Be angry, and do not sin”: do not let the sun go down on your wrath, 27 nor give place to the devil.”
Here lately, these passages have taken on a much deeper meaning for me regarding the application of their principles to marriage. In the past couple of weeks, I have been to two funerals where husbands have lost their wives. I starting thinking about how many men and women I know personally who have lost their spouses over the last few years. I was truly almost shocked when I realized how many there were. There was a wide age range: young, middle aged and senior. Some succumbed to lingering illnesses. Some died suddenly and unexpected.
In thinking about all of this, 1 Peter 4:8 came to mind with its admonishment to love one another deeply because love covers a multitude of sin. In other words, don’t sweat the small stuff. And then I thought of Ephesians 5:15-16) pointing out the importance of not wasting time. Ephesians 4:26-27 reminds me of how important it is to protect my space (my mind) from silly thoughts and vain imaginations.
Reflecting on the people I know who have lost their spouses reminded me of just how precious time is and why it shouldn’t be wasted on silly time-stealing stuff. As I get older, time and space become more precious. It is through love that I protect my connection with my wife. I don’t know how much time I have left, but, I do know that I don’t have as much time going forward as I did in the past. I refuse to allow that time to be filled up with petty criticisms. I refuse to allow my mind to be polluted with vain imaginations fueled by jealousy, suspicions and other things that would steal the joy I have in loving her. Every little criticism, every jealous thought, every negative comparison and such take away precious time and space from the enjoyment of loving your spouse. I cannot give away that time and space. I just don’t have the time.
TILL DEATH DO US PART
(1 Peter 4:8) "And above all things have fervent love for one another, for 'love will cover a multitude of sins.' ”
(Ephesians 5:15-16) “See then that you walk circumspectly, not as fools but as wise, 16 redeeming the time, because the days are evil.”
(Ephesians 4:26-27) 26 “Be angry, and do not sin”: do not let the sun go down on your wrath, 27 nor give place to the devil.”
Here lately, these passages have taken on a much deeper meaning for me regarding the application of their principles to marriage. In the past couple of weeks, I have been to two funerals where husbands have lost their wives. I starting thinking about how many men and women I know personally who have lost their spouses over the last few years. I was truly almost shocked when I realized how many there were. There was a wide age range: young, middle aged and senior. Some succumbed to lingering illnesses. Some died suddenly and unexpected.
In thinking about all of this, 1 Peter 4:8 came to mind with its admonishment to love one another deeply because love covers a multitude of sin. In other words, don’t sweat the small stuff. And then I thought of Ephesians 5:15-16) pointing out the importance of not wasting time. Ephesians 4:26-27 reminds me of how important it is to protect my space (my mind) from silly thoughts and vain imaginations.
Reflecting on the people I know who have lost their spouses reminded me of just how precious time is and why it shouldn’t be wasted on silly time-stealing stuff. As I get older, time and space become more precious. It is through love that I protect my connection with my wife. I don’t know how much time I have left, but, I do know that I don’t have as much time going forward as I did in the past. I refuse to allow that time to be filled up with petty criticisms. I refuse to allow my mind to be polluted with vain imaginations fueled by jealousy, suspicions and other things that would steal the joy I have in loving her. Every little criticism, every jealous thought, every negative comparison and such take away precious time and space from the enjoyment of loving your spouse. I cannot give away that time and space. I just don’t have the time.
GOD’S PROPERTY
Charles H. Perkins
GOD’S PROPERTY
(1 Corinthians 4:1-2) 1 “Let a man so consider us, as servants of Christ and stewards of the mysteries of God. 2 Moreover it is required in stewards that one be found faithful.”
This passage is saying that a minister is a steward of God’s word (mysteries of God). As such, He is required to be found faithful. That is, he is required to take care of and be mindful of how he shares God’s word with others. He is not to misuse the word of God. His word is His property. As a steward, he is a caretaker of the word, not the owner. He is responsible before God concerning how he treats His property. The underlying principal here is that the steward is to take good and proper care of the owner’s property.
Applying this principal to marriage, the husband is the steward of his family. He is the steward, not the owner. His wife is God’s property. So, the question is, how is he treating God’s property? Is he cheating on his wife (God’s property)? Does he abuse his wife (God’s property) physically and emotionally? Is he neglectful, demanding, condescending and just plain nasty toward his wife (God’s property)? Is he loving and kind toward his wife (God’s property)? Does he encourage his wife (God’s property)? Does he pray for his wife (God’s property)? Does he make his wife (God’s property) feel beautiful and desirable?
GOD’S PROPERTY
(1 Corinthians 4:1-2) 1 “Let a man so consider us, as servants of Christ and stewards of the mysteries of God. 2 Moreover it is required in stewards that one be found faithful.”
This passage is saying that a minister is a steward of God’s word (mysteries of God). As such, He is required to be found faithful. That is, he is required to take care of and be mindful of how he shares God’s word with others. He is not to misuse the word of God. His word is His property. As a steward, he is a caretaker of the word, not the owner. He is responsible before God concerning how he treats His property. The underlying principal here is that the steward is to take good and proper care of the owner’s property.
Applying this principal to marriage, the husband is the steward of his family. He is the steward, not the owner. His wife is God’s property. So, the question is, how is he treating God’s property? Is he cheating on his wife (God’s property)? Does he abuse his wife (God’s property) physically and emotionally? Is he neglectful, demanding, condescending and just plain nasty toward his wife (God’s property)? Is he loving and kind toward his wife (God’s property)? Does he encourage his wife (God’s property)? Does he pray for his wife (God’s property)? Does he make his wife (God’s property) feel beautiful and desirable?
Late Night Thought on Marriage
Charles H. Perkins
Late Night Thought on Marriage
(Ephesians 5:25)“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her…”
Often when I talk about how I feel about my marriage, someone will say, “You are saying all of this good stuff. But, WHAT WOULD YOUR WIFE SAY IF SHE WERE HERE???!!! WOULD SHE SPEAK OF YOUR MARRIAGE LIKE YOU?” They always say it with such conviction. And they hit me with the sharp eyed stare. I have always found that to be a rather humorous comment and question. First of all, I tell them that I don’t speak for my wife. She is not a puppet. She is quite capable of speaking for herself. I can only speak for my part. Would she say what I say? Does she love as much as I do. No. How could she? Remember, we are Christians. If I am loving her as Christ loves the Church, how could she love me as much as I love her? Can the Church love Jesus as much as He loves the Church? Of course not. So, if I am loving her as Christ loves the church, no matter how much she loves me, she will never love me more than I love her. If she ever does, then I am not loving her enough. I never stop growing in my love for her just as Christ never stops revealing His love for the Church. So, as the Church can never catch up to Christ’s love, a wife should never be able to catch up to her husband’s love. That’s Bible. And that is what I live by.
Late Night Thought on Marriage
(Ephesians 5:25)“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her…”
Often when I talk about how I feel about my marriage, someone will say, “You are saying all of this good stuff. But, WHAT WOULD YOUR WIFE SAY IF SHE WERE HERE???!!! WOULD SHE SPEAK OF YOUR MARRIAGE LIKE YOU?” They always say it with such conviction. And they hit me with the sharp eyed stare. I have always found that to be a rather humorous comment and question. First of all, I tell them that I don’t speak for my wife. She is not a puppet. She is quite capable of speaking for herself. I can only speak for my part. Would she say what I say? Does she love as much as I do. No. How could she? Remember, we are Christians. If I am loving her as Christ loves the Church, how could she love me as much as I love her? Can the Church love Jesus as much as He loves the Church? Of course not. So, if I am loving her as Christ loves the church, no matter how much she loves me, she will never love me more than I love her. If she ever does, then I am not loving her enough. I never stop growing in my love for her just as Christ never stops revealing His love for the Church. So, as the Church can never catch up to Christ’s love, a wife should never be able to catch up to her husband’s love. That’s Bible. And that is what I live by.
Monday, September 9, 2019
NO REGRETS
CHARLES H. PERKINS
NO REGRETS
A few months ago I was hosting a round table discussion on
marriage. One of the young ladies in the group asked me a question that I
really struggled to answer at the time.
It’s not that the answer was hard for me. It’s that I was concerned that
my answer would sound a little pretentious. She asked me how I handled my
regrets in my marriage. The truth is I
have no regrets. I tried to say that in a way that could sound believable, but,
I found myself reaching which is something that I do not do normally. Were there problems? Of course.
Disappointments? Of course. Misunderstandings?
Of course. Over the course of time those
things come up. That’s life. But, we stayed the course and worked our way
through the problems and disappointments.
We overcame the misunderstandings. Each situation was different so there
is no one answer as to how we got through.
Some things went her way. Some things went my way. Some we compromised
on. Some things had no answer so we just moved on. All of that contributed toward me becoming the
man that I am now. So there are no regrets.
All of the highs, all of the lows and everything in between helped to
shape my life. So, no regrets. We both love and trust The Lord and His
Word. It says in Romans 8:28 that all
things work together for the good for those who love God and are called
according to His purpose. We have
definitely seen that work in our marriage these 46 years. So, no regrets. God has truly blessed us with each other. We
value, protect and appreciate what we have in our marriage.
I think that as you get older, you value your marriage more.
You realize that there is no time to waste on regrets. “Regret” is not a
thought that even comes up. I sometimes believe that there in not a man in the
world who has more joy in life than I have.
There is no one who is more at peace than I am. There is no one who loves life more than I
do. I love my wife at a depth now that
did not exist in me when I was young.
And the love continues to grow. I
enjoy loving her. I enjoy her company. Young
love is great. But a love that has matured has weathered some storms and is
rooted and grounded in God’s Word makes young love look almost like hate in
comparison. In fact, there is no
comparison. The more we read God’s Word, the more we learn to love. That is
where we are now. And the cool thing is the
love continues to grow. It has not hit a
plateau. It has not bottomed out.
We just celebrated our 46th anniversary. I know other couples who have been married
longer than us and are still very much in love.
As I said, young love is good. Old love is great. When I share about our anniversaries I hope
to inspire young couples to stay the course and reap the benefits of a long,
fruitful love affair. I want them to see that there is such a thing as a
strong, lasting, happy marriage. I particularly want them to see that there is
such a thing as a Black Christian man who loves his wife more than anyone but
God. There is such a thing as a Black Christian man who will be there loving
his wife until his last breath. As you know, we don’t get great press in the
media. So, young couples, I say to you: Don’t give in. Don’t give up. Don’t
give out. Love God! Love your spouse.
Saturday, August 24, 2019
Short Thoughts on Marriage
Short Thoughts on Marriage
A good marriage is not free. It costs you something. But,
it is worth the price.
As opposed to thinking about "making love", do
you ever think about how to make love happen?
Do you value your spouse's goals and aspirations as much
as you want your spouse to value yours?
To the young and in love married couples: No matter how
much you love each other now, it would be a shame if your love has reached its
plateau. How terrible it would if your love never got any deeper or never rose
to new heights. Love that doesn’t grow dies.
A short thought on understanding where your relationship
is leading: There is a huge difference between someone telling you that he
(she) wants you to be a PART of his (her) life as opposed to saying that he
(she) wants to BUILD a life with you.
A short thought on marriage: Whenever my wife wants to
feel beautiful, all she has to do is to look at me looking at her.
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