The Price
A good marriage is not free.
It costs you something.
But, it is worth the price!!!
Wednesday, June 19, 2019
THE LOVE THAT BINDS
THE LOVE THAT BINDS
There are four types of love expressed in the Bible. God has
blessed us with the ability to use each form of love depending on the
circumstance.
STORGE: LOVE OF FAMILY.
This type of love is shared between family members, parents and
children, siblings, other relatives. It
is also shared between spouses. The thing
is, it is not unique to spousal love. While we love our spouses as family
members, we also love other family members with that same type of love to one
degree or another.
PHILEO: LOVE OF FRIENDS. Some claim their spouses to be
their best friends. That may be
true. But, just by using the word “best”
indicates that there are other friends in their lives. Most people have more than one friend. So, again, friendship love is not unique to
marriage.
AGAPE:
UNCONDITIONAL LOVE: This is the
highest form of love. It is the type of
love that God has towards us. We should love our spouses with this agape
love—unconditionally. Even if we do, for
most of us, there are others who we love this way: parents, certain friends and
relatives, our brothers and sisters in Christ.
Like the other forms of love, agape love is not unique to marriage.
EROS: ROMANTIC LOVE:
This is the one type of love that we should only share with our
spouses. No one else belongs in that
space in our lives. While I love my wife as a family member, there are other
family members who share in my “storge” love. My wife is my friend, but, I also
have other friends that I love with the “phileo” love. Although I definitely
love my wife unconditionally, there are others who fall under my “agape” love
covering. But, when it comes to “eros”, romantic/erotic love, only my wife
holds that place in my life. She is my
one and only lover. She is the object of my desire. Only she shares that depth
of intimacy with me. By the way, though
sex is obviously involved in eros, it is so much more. So very much more. With all of the other forms of love, in
marriage, eros is the love that binds.
Values…
A Short Thought on Marriage
Values…
Do you value your spouse's goals and aspirations
as much as you want your spouse to value yours?
Who Do You Say...
Another short thought on marriage...
Who Do You Say...
(Matt. 16:13-16) 13 When Jesus came into the region of
Caesarea Philippi, He asked His disciples, saying, “Who do men say that I, the
Son of Man, am?”
14 So they said, “Some say John the Baptist, some Elijah,
and others Jeremiah or one of the prophets.”
15 He said to them, “But who do you say that I am?”
16 Simon Peter answered and said, “You are the Christ,
the Son of the living God.”
In this passage Jesus asked Peter two questions: 1) Who
do people say that I am? 2) Who do you
say that I am?
I would like to apply these questions to a marriage
context. Based on how you talk about your spouse when he or she is not around,
what do people who have not met your mate think of him or her? Who do you say
your spouse is when you are at work or out with the boys or lunching with the
girls? Will they say she is a nag? Will they say that he is lazy? Or will they
envy your relationship because you speak of how great your spouse is? Is it
possible that they don't even know you are married because you NEVER even
mention having a spouse? Who do you say
your spouse is and how do others think of and speak of your mate based on what
you say?
What Did You Bring?
A Question on Marriage
What Did You Bring?
When you decided to marry your spouse, what did you have
in mind to bring to the marriage to make it as good as possible and how has
that changed over the years? I don’t
mean things like money, possessions, or even children. I mean, what of yourself did you want to give
and how has that changed over the years?
If you are engaged, then the question would be what are you planning on
bringing to the marriage to make it as good as possible? If you have not considered that question,
maybe you ought to do so—whether married or engaged.
The Target
A Short Thought on Marriage:
The Target
Think of a target. A target has several circles with a
solid bull’s eye in the center. If you
pulled one of the circles out, it would have a hole in the middle. However, if you pull the bull’s eye out, it
is still solid. The bull’s eye is the
place where you and your spouse and God belong. No one else belongs in
there…not the kids, not momma, not daddy or anyone else. JUST YOU, YOUR SPOUSE AND GOD. In the small, close circle surrounding the
bull’s eye is where your children belong if you have any. In the next circle,
your parents; then close friends and relatives.
As the circles get further from the bull’s eye, you can decide who
belongs where. People can move up or out
further depending on the circumstances.
But, no one enters the bull’s eye except you, your spouse and God. Just a thought.
Wednesday, July 26, 2017
JEALOUSY
CHARLES H. PERKINS
JEALOUSY
“Set me as a
seal upon your heart, As a seal upon your arm; For love is as strong as death,
Jealousy as cruel as the grave; Its flames are flames of fire, A most vehement
flame.”(S.O.S. 8:6)
Jealousy!!! Cruel as the grave. Flames of fire. Jealousy!!! It can cause us to make really
silly and impossible to keep demands on our spouses. Wife to husband: “Don’t look at other women.” Husband to wife:
“Don’t talk to or look at other men.” I
have heard these almost silly demands made by spouses many times over the
years. When couples want my advice
concerning their marriages, jealousy and its effects have often been the cause
of the friction.
When a wife
demands that her husband does not look at other women, she is telling him to
somehow navigate through life without noticing over half of the population of
the world. How is that even possible to
attempt let alone accomplish? I mean he can’t
even comfortably look at T.V. Yet, the demand is made. And because of her outbursts, attitude
changes, and general over all silly reactions, he will try to comply and
somehow not look at other women.
When a man demands
that his wife not talk to or look at other men, again it is an impossible and
unreasonable situation for her to be in.
What is she supposed to do? Stay at home in a closet? If she goes to work, there is interaction
with men; church, school, social gatherings, any place outside of her bedroom
are all places where she could have occasion to talk to or look at another
man. Because of her husband’s jealous
rages, controlling nature and overall silliness, she tries to yield to his unreasonable
demands.
Jealous
husband, jealous wife, stop being so insecure.
It puts a terrible strain on your marriage. Looking at and talking to another man or
woman is not the same as wanting to be with that person. Your wife wants to be with you. That is why she married you. Your husband wants to be with you. That is why he married you. Don’t continue to give your spouse silly
reasons to wonder if he or she made a mistake.
A man looking at another woman doesn’t mean that he is lusting after
her. A woman looking at or talking to another man doesn’t mean that she is
flirting with him. And please, please
stop getting upset because another man or woman is looking at your spouse. Think about it. Wouldn’t you find it strange if you were the
only person on earth to find your spouse attractive? That would be just outright weird unless you
were the only Martians on earth. Then it might be understandable. You don’t have to trust other people. You
only have to trust your spouse.
And
remember, it is difficult at best to love someone who doesn’t trust you. And if
you don’t trust your spouse because of your irrational jealousy, you cannot
love as deeply as you should. Therefore,
the marriage will never be what God wants it to be. It will never reach the level of intimacy and
oneness that God desires it to be.
Neither you nor your spouse will ever be comfortable in the relationship
the way God created marriage to be. So, yes.
Jealousy is as cruel as the grave because in marriage it kills the possibility
for love to grow.
Don’t use
the excuse that it is alright to be jealous because the Bible says that God is
a jealous God. God’s jealousy is protective and is expressed
out of an all knowing eternal love for you.
Mankind’s jealousy is an insecure unreasonable possessive obsession.
Love has nothing to do with it. I wrote this in hopes of inspiring those
jealous spouses to realize that they are putting both their spouses and
themselves in bondage. That is no way to live. I just shared a little of all
that can be said about this topic. At
another time, maybe I will address those who, through their actions, have given
their spouse reasons to mistrust them.
But, that is another topic for another day. And please notice that I
said “a reason to mistrust” and not "a reason to be jealous.”
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