CHARLES H. PERKINS
Marrying Down
(Romans 12:3) For I say, through the grace given to me,
to everyone who is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought
to think, but to think soberly, as God has dealt to each one a measure of
faith.
Lately, I have been hearing people, both men and women,
talking about the possibility of marrying down. The concept being is that they
would marry someone making a lower salary and possibly having less education.
For instance, a professional business woman making a high salary would consider
herself “marrying down” if she married a truck driver. A college professor
would consider himself marrying down if he married a high school grad. If you
find yourself in the position of considering “marrying down”, please don’t do
it. You will only wind up messing up someone’s life who loves you. You see, if
to you, you are marrying down, that means you will probably be ashamed of your
spouse around your friends. You will not want to let them know what he does for
a living or what her level of education is. You will obviously feel superior.
Consequently, you won’t truly value your spouse’s opinion on very much. You
will find yourself thinking condescending thoughts leading to making
condescending remarks. If you are a woman, you will probably become rude,
controlling and bossy. You will try to play it off by claiming to be a “strong
woman.” In reality, you are really just rude, controlling and bossy. If you are
a man, you will become rude, controlling and bossy. You will try to play if off
by claiming to be an intellectual with an “A” type personality. In reality, you
are just rude, controlling and bossy. Strong, intelligent people know how to
treat people; especially their spouses. Now, unless you married an idiot, your
spouse will notice these things and there goes any chance for a fulfilling
relationship.
Here is another side of this. If you get married to
someone already thinking you are marrying down, you are right in terms of
money, social status, education and such. But, you spouse is also marrying down
in terms of character. You are showing poor character by your attitude. And, as
stated before, you are just going to mess up someone’s life. And the worst
part, you will most likely wind up finding (manufacturing) reasons to blame
them for it. And the saddest part is, if you had married each other with the
right attitude of acceptance, you wouldn’t be concerned about what others
think. As time goes on, differences in education, salaries, social status and
such will no longer matter. As you build a life together, you work through
things, all sorts of things. You have to remember you did not marry a truck
driver, you married a husband. You did not marry a high school grad. You
married a wife. The same is true coming from the other direction. What you do
for a living has very little to do with the making of a great marriage
relationship. Don’t take my word for it. Pay attention for yourself to all of
the educated, wealthy and connected people who go through multiple divorces.
Look at all of the poor and middle class people that get divorced. Neither
money nor the lack of it keeps marriages together. When possessions and social
status are prominent in your relationship, you may as well go straight from the
church to divorce court. Enjoy the ceremony and cut your losses right away.
Save yourself and your spouse from all of the unnecessary pain and drama of
what will most likely become a loveless marriage. If you have that “marrying
down” attitude and you can’t find anyone in your financial, social and
educational realm who wants to marry you, again, don’t get married and mess up
someone else’s life. Marriage is hard enough without being with someone who has
a superiority complex. There is hope, though. You can always change your view.
