I made a statement at a meeting some years back and the reaction to it surprised me, amused me, and somewhat saddened me all at the same time. The statement was simply, “I will never cheat on my wife.” It seemed to me like a reasonable statement for a married man to make. But the immediate reaction to what I said made me wonder if I had committed blasphemy or something on that level. “How can you say something like that?” “You can’t say what you won’t ever do!” “You don’t know what you will do under the right circumstances!” “You are not being realistic!” “You are fooling yourself!” Now, these sentiments weren’t just being expressed to me, they were being shouted at me! I was actually being attacked for saying that I would never cheat on my wife. Oh, did I mention that the meeting was a men’s fellowship meeting and that those in attendance were pastors, ministers, deacons and other church members? I knew these men. They were all good men. That is why their reaction surprised, amused AND saddened me. In due time, I found this to be a pretty widespread opinion among both men and women concerning being faithful to their spouses. While people want to be and intend to be, they are reluctant to make a definite statement that they will be faithful. They seem to be afraid of some great “WHAT IF…” So, I suppose when I made the statement, the brothers attacked me in order to protect their own fears. Or maybe not.
I think people may tend to get temptation confused with yielding to temptation. They are, in fact, two entirely different things. You cannot control temptation because you never know when it is going to hit. That is why it is called temptation. It is usually a surprise. However, while you are not in control of what tempts you, you are definitely in control of how you react to it. Is temptation possible? Yes. Is it possible that anyone can yield to it? Yes. It is definitely possible. Possibilities are what the brothers were dealing with when they so vehemently disagreed with me. But, I wasn’t dealing with possibilities when I made the statement. I was dealing with probabilities. I know that it is theoretically possible for me to cheat. But, the probability of me cheating is: Zero. There is an old maxim called the 5 P’s: Proper Preparation Prevents Poor Performance. If I were to wait until I found myself in a compromising situation to decide what I should do, I would probably fall. But, if I have already made it up in my mind to stand, to be faithful to my wife, to be faithful to my love, to be faithful to my God, it becomes easy to walk away. If the furthest you’ve gotten in your thought process is, “I want to be faithful,” “I will try to be faithful,” “I should be faithful,” if this is as far as you have gotten, you are setting yourself up for failure. You have to have a made up mind to be properly prepared, to prevent poor performance.
The Bible tells us that a man is as he thinks in his heart. If you think it is possible for you to fall, you probably will at some point because you haven’t prepared yourself not to. When I think about the pain, hurt and disappointment that I would bring to my wife, my children and the offense to God just because I could not control my zipper, there is no probability that I would ever cheat. Temptation just happens, but resisting temptation is a matter of choice. God never holds us responsible for being tempted. But He does hold us responsible for yielding to it. The Bible says that God always gives you a way out of temptation. When I made the statement about not cheating on my wife, the brothers came up with all kinds of scenarios and “supposes” and such. But, the bottom line is: No matter what the temptation is, your feet still work. There really is no unwritten law that says just because you are tempted you have to yield to it.
I know men that think about being faithful all of the time. They worry about it. They agonize over it. The possibility of cheating scares them so much that they are afraid to look at another woman. They feel that they have no real control and that they are always one step away from slipping. With the thought of cheating on your mind all of the time, you are more likely to cheat than not. Men like me don’t particularly think about cheating or being faithful at all. Being faithful is just a part of who we are. There is nothing to think about. You just do it. You breathe, you are faithful. You drink water, you are faithful. I don’t have to think about breathing. I need to breathe to stay alive. I need water to stay alive. Faithfulness is necessary for my marriage to stay alive. So, I just do it. There is no alternative to consider. Being faithful has become as natural as breathing for me. I just do it. I don’t get up in the morning and think, “Should I be faithful today or not?” There is no “or not” therefore, there is no “should I?” It just is.
“I will never cheat on my wife.” It was a seemingly harmless statement to me. Yet, it brought about two hours of debate and conversation, all against my statement, by men who should have been making the same statement. To me, each one of those men should have been saying the same thing that I said. There was only one man who agreed with me and he didn’t let me know until we had a private conversation after the meeting was over. He didn’t want to catch any of the heat directed at me. Now as far as I know, all of these men are faithful to their wives. They are just not able to bring themselves to make a definite statement about what they will or won’t do. They are stuck in what could possibly happen if they are not careful. Possibility thinking is fine for some things such as plans for your future. When it comes to your marriage and being faithful, possibility thinking falls short. Probability thinking is what is needed. It is not “what will I possibility do?” It is “what will I probably do?” At some point in your life, you should know yourself well enough to say what you would probably do in a given set of circumstances. I know me well enough to know that I will never cheat on my wife. It is not that complicated. When it comes to cheating, just don’t do it. When it comes to being faithful, just do it. It works for me.
