Wednesday, July 26, 2017

JEALOUSY



CHARLES H. PERKINS


JEALOUSY
“Set me as a seal upon your heart, As a seal upon your arm; For love is as strong as death, Jealousy as cruel as the grave; Its flames are flames of fire, A most vehement flame.”(S.O.S. 8:6)
Jealousy!!!   Cruel as the grave.  Flames of fire.  Jealousy!!! It can cause us to make really silly and impossible to keep demands on our spouses.  Wife to husband:  “Don’t look at other women.” Husband to wife: “Don’t talk to or look at other men.”  I have heard these almost silly demands made by spouses many times over the years.  When couples want my advice concerning their marriages, jealousy and its effects have often been the cause of the friction. 
When a wife demands that her husband does not look at other women, she is telling him to somehow navigate through life without noticing over half of the population of the world.  How is that even possible to attempt let alone accomplish?  I mean he can’t even comfortably look at T.V. Yet, the demand is made.  And because of her outbursts, attitude changes, and general over all silly reactions, he will try to comply and somehow not look at other women. 
When a man demands that his wife not talk to or look at other men, again it is an impossible and unreasonable situation for her to be in.  What is she supposed to do? Stay at home in a closet?  If she goes to work, there is interaction with men; church, school, social gatherings, any place outside of her bedroom are all places where she could have occasion to talk to or look at another man.  Because of her husband’s jealous rages, controlling nature and overall silliness, she tries to yield to his unreasonable demands.
Jealous husband, jealous wife, stop being so insecure.  It puts a terrible strain on your marriage.  Looking at and talking to another man or woman is not the same as wanting to be with that person.  Your wife wants to be with you.  That is why she married you.  Your husband wants to be with you.  That is why he married you.  Don’t continue to give your spouse silly reasons to wonder if he or she made a mistake.  A man looking at another woman doesn’t mean that he is lusting after her. A woman looking at or talking to another man doesn’t mean that she is flirting with him.  And please, please stop getting upset because another man or woman is looking at your spouse.  Think about it.  Wouldn’t you find it strange if you were the only person on earth to find your spouse attractive?  That would be just outright weird unless you were the only Martians on earth. Then it might be understandable.  You don’t have to trust other people. You only have to trust your spouse. 
And remember, it is difficult at best to love someone who doesn’t trust you. And if you don’t trust your spouse because of your irrational jealousy, you cannot love as deeply as you should.  Therefore, the marriage will never be what God wants it to be.  It will never reach the level of intimacy and oneness that God desires it to be.  Neither you nor your spouse will ever be comfortable in the relationship the way God created marriage to be.  So, yes. Jealousy is as cruel as the grave because in marriage it kills the possibility for love to grow. 
Don’t use the excuse that it is alright to be jealous because the Bible says that God is a jealous   God.  God’s jealousy is protective and is expressed out of an all knowing eternal love for you.  Mankind’s jealousy is an insecure unreasonable possessive obsession. Love has nothing to do with it. I wrote this in hopes of inspiring those jealous spouses to realize that they are putting both their spouses and themselves in bondage. That is no way to live. I just shared a little of all that can be said about this topic.  At another time, maybe I will address those who, through their actions, have given their spouse reasons to mistrust them.  But, that is another topic for another day. And please notice that I said “a reason to mistrust” and not "a reason to be jealous.”   

Sunday, August 21, 2016

Always Let Your Wife Shine...


Sales woman see the roses in my shopping cart.
Sales Woman: Who is the lucky person?
Me: I am.
SW: You’re the lucky person? You mean you bought them for yourself?
Me: No. I mean that I am lucky that I have her, my wife, to buy the roses for.
SW: How long have you been buying her roses? Is this a special occasion?
Me: I have been buying her roses most every week for over 30 years. She is the special occasion.
SW: So, why roses.
Me: Well, roses are her favorite flower. Plus, I like the fact that the roses don’t last long and have to be replaced often. That reminds me that I have to continually keep my love for my wife fresh.
SW: Do you have a brother?

Wednesday, June 8, 2016

A View of Job's Wife



A View of Job’s Wife
(Job 2:9) Then his (Job) wife said to him, “Do you still hold fast to your integrity? Curse God and die!”
Because of this statement, Job’s wife has gotten a lot of bad press. She is probably one the most berated women in the Bible.  She is most often looked upon as being selfish, uncaring, nagging, and over all, a poor example of a wife.  However, I think we should take a closer look and Mrs. Job.  She may not be as “bad” as she has been presented in countless sermons through the centuries. When you read chapter 1 of Job, you see that God allowed Satan to attack Job. Satan could attack him, but not kill him.  We see that Job lost sheep, oxen, camels, servants and finally, his children.  Soon, Satan was also allowed to strike Job with boils on his skin. We know that Job lost a great deal.  Whenever Job is preached or taught about, HIS loss is stressed.  But, for ever sheep Job lost, his wife lost a sheep; for every ox Job lost, his wife lost an ox; for every camel Job lost, his wife lost a camel; for every servant Job lost, his wife lost a servant; for every child that Job lost, his wife lost a child.
While she did not get attacked with the skin boils, she still suffered great loss.  While Job may have tried to comfort her at some point, there is no mention of him doing so.  She was in pain.  She is hurting as much or more than he was, except for the boils.  They were both grieving.  While Job is going on about his condition and ignoring hers, she utters the infamous statement, “Do you still hold fast to your integrity? Curse God and die!”  This was said out the deepest of pain and grief.  It was said out a feeling of abandonment.  Job was too much involved with his own pain to be concerned about hers.  At least, that is how she felt or she would not have said those fateful words.  Words spoken out of deep grief can sometimes come out angry and bitter.
Job’s response to her was, “You speak as one of the foolish women speaks. Shall we indeed accept good from God, and shall we not accept adversity?” In all this Job did not sin with his lips. (Job  2:10).  While Job did not sin when he spoke to his wife, his words were no more comforting to her than hers were to him.  Now as then, spouses, in times of great loss, sometimes turn against each other, blame each other, grow apart from one another. 
But, that is not the end of the story.  The Word says that after all was said and done, God restored all that Job had lost and more.  He was even blessed with more children.  Chapter 42:12-16 says that Job was blessed with animals, more children and grandchildren and long life.  However, it did not say that he got a new wife.  No, he had the same wife as before. So, if he was declared to be right before God so was she.  God understands our pain and sees us through it. He did with Mrs. Job.  God did not judge her by one statement spoken out of pain.  Neither did Job. God blessed Job with the same wife and blessed her with the same husband.  And they lived happily ever after…No, really, they did.

Sunday, June 26, 2011

We Continue To Love




A relationship that looks tattered and torn

A relationship that looks ruffled and worn

Is no longer new, but continues to shine

A relationship that endures the testing of time…

We continue to love…


In good times, bad times, sickness and health

‘Til death do us part, in poverty and wealth

Through the pain, the joy, the laughter, the fuss,

Nothing in life can separate us…

We continue to love…

All of the yesterdays that we have shared

The loving, the comfort, the depth of the care

Love has grown deep, much deeper with time

I am still yours and you are still mine…

We continue to love…