Marriage Part Two

And TheTwo Shall Become One Flesh...

Marriage

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The Sun Rises On "35"

August 6, 2008. Still a month away from our September 5, 2008 anniversary. Here we were in Alaska... probably as close to the top of the world as we will ever be. It was a chilly morning as I stepped out on to the balcony to get a better look at one of the most curious sights I had ever seen. There was a white fog that almost seemed to glow rising from the water. Across the bay, there were these snow capped mountains that seemed to be rising up out of the fog. I’m thinking, “This is truly a beautiful sight.” Then I happened to look to my right and what I saw took my breath away. In my almost 65 years, never had I seen a more spectacularly beautiful sunrise. The fact that it caught me by surprise made it even more beautiful. Unexpected beauty is a rare privilege in life. You have to take advantage of it and appreciate the moment. I didn’t expect to see the white, glowing fog rising from the water. I did not expect to see the snow capped mountains rising from the fog. And I definitely did not expect to see the sun just above the horizon with its yellow and orange rays filtering through the fog, reflecting in the water. The dazzling light made the clouds above appear to be spiraling flames against the backdrop of the bright blue sky. Unexpected beauty. I called Barbara so that I could share the view with her. As I watched her watch the sunrise, again I was transfixed on unexpected beauty. In the midst of beauty, her beauty stood out in a special way. I watched her, and again, the beauty took my breath away.

Unexpected love, like unexpected beauty, has to be taken advantage of and appreciated. Thirty nine years ago, I did not expect to meet the love of my life in my living room. I did not expect that we would marry three years later. I did not expect that we would wade through the waters of troubles, find our way through the fog of uncertainty, and scale the mountain of challenge to discover an unexpected depth of love that continues to amaze me. So, in that moment of unexpected beauty, I seized the opportunity to appreciate the beauty of the sunrise and the special beauty of my wife in the midst of the sunrise. As the spectacular light of the sun was rising on our thirty-fifth year of marriage, I again realized how blessed we are to share a love so unexpected. Neither of us knew that it was possible to love this deeply…for love to endure and indeed to continue to grow. In a world where so many are afraid to love, afraid to commit, afraid to share a life, our love is indeed rare. The sad thing is it doesn’t have to be rare. It is there for anyone who wants it.

That sunrise was there for all to appreciate it. Not everyone did! Some did not get up early enough to witness it. Some were too distracted. Some were too self absorbed. Still, the beauty was there for all. Love is there for all. I realized that thirty some years ago and refused to let it pass by. I seized the moment…we seized the life…our life. As the sun continues to rise on us, I continue to look forward to our future together. I look forward to the unexpected places that our love will take us in each other. Unexpected beauty…Unexpected love…Unexpected US.

35...2

It’s been a grand thing being in love with my wife for the past 35 years. Loving someone that deeply cannot happen without taking a look into yourself. When I take that close of a look into myself, I see the times that I haven’t quite lived up to what I had hoped to be as a husband and a father. I remember the look of encouragement in my wife’s eyes when I would come home from an audition and didn’t get the gig. I also remember times when I saw the look of “how are we going to pay rent” in her eyes when I didn’t get the gig. Through the years, I have always wanted to bring happiness and joy into her life. Yet, there were still times that I brought pain into the life of the person that I love more than life.

Seeing my son grow up was a great joy to me. He is my pride. I am grateful for the man that he is today. Still, as he was growing into that man, I felt helpless as he made some unwise choices for his life. I had helped others, some of them I didn’t even know. Yet, I couldn’t seem to find the right words or actions to reach my own son at the time.

I remember when my daughter was born. I held her and promised that I would never let anyone hurt her. But, when her heart was broken, all I could do was tell her the old cliché about time healing her heart. Though that was the truth, I wanted to be able to make the pain go away. But, no matter how much I love her and want to protect her, I couldn’t stop the pain.

No husband who truly loves his wife wants to bring pain into her life. No father ever wants to be unable to help his children. But, after 35 years of loving my wife, loving my children, I clearly see my failures. I know there have been disappointing moments that were caused by my failures. Love is not blind. It lets you know the fullness of who you are.

I thank the Lord that during these thirty-five years, I have brought more joy than pain to my wife and children. I have brought more encouragement, and comfort than disappointments. I have brought more love than failure. Being a husband and father doesn’t mean you are perfect. Being a true husband and father means you keep trying until you get it as close to right as you can. Then you continue to make it better as much as you can for as long as you can. I have never stopped growing in my love for my wife, my son, my daughter. I will continue to love them with all that is in me to love. I know that, being just a man, I will probably disappoint them again; but never intentionally. I hope those times will be few and far between. Hopefully, they will continue to see and experience my constantly growing love for them.

This is not meant to be a “true confessions” type of piece. It is meant to point out how good and great marriages overcome some things to become that way. Marriages that work don’t just happen. We make them happen by staying the course and continuing to give whatever it takes of ourselves to make it work. We never give in to the failures and disappointments. We never give up on us.

As We Approach 35...1

It was no surprise

When I woke up this morning

So very much in love with you.

After all, I went to sleep last night

The same way…

So very much in love with you.

Shhhhh…Don’t move.

I just want to look at you…

I want to drink in every drop of you…

To feel every touch of you…

To hear every sound of you…

To breathe the very scent of you…

Indeed, to breathe the very breath

Of a life being spent

In love with you.

So, again, it’s no surprise

To wake up loving you.

Loving you is

What I do.

…………………………

As we approach our 35^th year of marriage, there is a scripture that comes to mind. It speaks of the outer man perishing while the inner man grows stronger each day. That is how I feel about me in our relationship. We have been married for almost 35 years and that means that I am 35 years older also. The outer man perishes while the inner man grows stronger.

I am a step or two slower than I used to be and yet, my heart races faster than ever at the very thought of you. While my eyesight is not as keen as it used to be, I still get a thrill at the sight of you. I sometimes forget a line to a poem that I wrote or the next chord to a song that I am playing, but, I will never forget our first kiss. No matter how tired I get, I never get tired of loving you. I am no where nearly as strong as I used to be, but, here is the thing: My love for you is stronger than ever.

As we approach our 35^th year, I am so very glad to be approaching it with you.