JEALOUSY

CHARLES H. PERKINS

JEALOUSY

“Set me as a seal upon your heart, As a seal upon your arm; For love is as strong as death, Jealousy as cruel as the grave; Its flames are flames of fire, A most vehement flame.”(S.O.S. 8:6)

Jealousy!!!   Cruel as the grave.  Flames of fire.  Jealousy!!! It can cause us to make really silly and impossible to keep demands on our spouses.  Wife to husband:  “Don’t look at other women.” Husband to wife: “Don’t talk to or look at other men.”  I have heard these almost silly demands made by spouses many times over the years.  When couples want my advice concerning their marriages, jealousy and its effects have often been the cause of the friction. 

When a wife demands that her husband does not look at other women, she is telling him to somehow navigate through life without noticing over half of the population of the world.  How is that even possible to attempt let alone accomplish?  I mean he can’t even comfortably look at T.V. Yet, the demand is made.  And because of her outbursts, attitude changes, and general over all silly reactions, he will try to comply and somehow not look at other women. 

When a man demands that his wife not talk to or look at other men, again it is an impossible and unreasonable situation for her to be in.  What is she supposed to do? Stay at home in a closet?  If she goes to work, there is interaction with men; church, school, social gatherings, any place outside of her bedroom are all places where she could have occasion to talk to or look at another man.  Because of her husband’s jealous rages, controlling nature and overall silliness, she tries to yield to his unreasonable demands.

Jealous husband, jealous wife, stop being so insecure.  It puts a terrible strain on your marriage.  Looking at and talking to another man or woman is not the same as wanting to be with that person.  Your wife wants to be with you.  That is why she married you.  Your husband wants to be with you.  That is why he married you.  Don’t continue to give your spouse silly reasons to wonder if he or she made a mistake.  A man looking at another woman doesn’t mean that he is lusting after her. A woman looking at or talking to another man doesn’t mean that she is flirting with him.  And please, please stop getting upset because another man or woman is looking at your spouse.  Think about it.  Wouldn’t you find it strange if you were the only person on earth to find your spouse attractive?  That would be just outright weird unless you were the only Martians on earth. Then it might be understandable.  You don’t have to trust other people. You only have to trust your spouse. 

And remember, it is difficult at best to love someone who doesn’t trust you. And if you don’t trust your spouse because of your irrational jealousy, you cannot love as deeply as you should.  Therefore, the marriage will never be what God wants it to be.  It will never reach the level of intimacy and oneness that God desires it to be.  Neither you nor your spouse will ever be comfortable in the relationship the way God created marriage to be.  So, yes. Jealousy is as cruel as the grave because in marriage it kills the possibility for love to grow. 

Don’t use the excuse that it is alright to be jealous because the Bible says that God is a jealous   God.  God’s jealousy is protective and is expressed out of an all knowing eternal love for you.  Mankind’s jealousy is an insecure unreasonable possessive obsession. Love has nothing to do with it. I wrote this in hopes of inspiring those jealous spouses to realize that they are putting both their spouses and themselves in bondage. That is no way to live. I just shared a little of all that can be said about this topic.  At another time, maybe I will address those who, through their actions, have given their spouse reasons to mistrust them.  But, that is another topic for another day. And please notice that I said “a reason to mistrust” and not "a reason to be jealous.”