Marrying Down

CHARLES H. PERKINS

Marrying Down 

(Romans 12:3) For I say, through the grace given to me, to everyone who is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think soberly, as God has dealt to each one a measure of faith.

Lately, I have been hearing people, both men and women, talking about the possibility of marrying down. The concept being is that they would marry someone making a lower salary and possibly having less education. For instance, a professional business woman making a high salary would consider herself “marrying down” if she married a truck driver. A college professor would consider himself marrying down if he married a high school grad. If you find yourself in the position of considering “marrying down”, please don’t do it. You will only wind up messing up someone’s life who loves you. You see, if to you, you are marrying down, that means you will probably be ashamed of your spouse around your friends. You will not want to let them know what he does for a living or what her level of education is. You will obviously feel superior. Consequently, you won’t truly value your spouse’s opinion on very much. You will find yourself thinking condescending thoughts leading to making condescending remarks. If you are a woman, you will probably become rude, controlling and bossy. You will try to play it off by claiming to be a “strong woman.” In reality, you are really just rude, controlling and bossy. If you are a man, you will become rude, controlling and bossy. You will try to play if off by claiming to be an intellectual with an “A” type personality. In reality, you are just rude, controlling and bossy. Strong, intelligent people know how to treat people; especially their spouses. Now, unless you married an idiot, your spouse will notice these things and there goes any chance for a fulfilling relationship.

Here is another side of this. If you get married to someone already thinking you are marrying down, you are right in terms of money, social status, education and such. But, you spouse is also marrying down in terms of character. You are showing poor character by your attitude. And, as stated before, you are just going to mess up someone’s life. And the worst part, you will most likely wind up finding (manufacturing) reasons to blame them for it. And the saddest part is, if you had married each other with the right attitude of acceptance, you wouldn’t be concerned about what others think. As time goes on, differences in education, salaries, social status and such will no longer matter. As you build a life together, you work through things, all sorts of things. You have to remember you did not marry a truck driver, you married a husband. You did not marry a high school grad. You married a wife. The same is true coming from the other direction. What you do for a living has very little to do with the making of a great marriage relationship. Don’t take my word for it. Pay attention for yourself to all of the educated, wealthy and connected people who go through multiple divorces. Look at all of the poor and middle class people that get divorced. Neither money nor the lack of it keeps marriages together. When possessions and social status are prominent in your relationship, you may as well go straight from the church to divorce court. Enjoy the ceremony and cut your losses right away. Save yourself and your spouse from all of the unnecessary pain and drama of what will most likely become a loveless marriage. If you have that “marrying down” attitude and you can’t find anyone in your financial, social and educational realm who wants to marry you, again, don’t get married and mess up someone else’s life. Marriage is hard enough without being with someone who has a superiority complex. There is hope, though. You can always change your view.