Charles H. Perkins
Thinking A Better Way
How much time do you spend thinking critical thoughts of
your spouse compared to how much time you spend thinking loving thoughts of
your spouse? If you honestly find yourself thinking thoughts like: “I love her,
but…”; “If he would only…”; “I wish she would just…”; “He could be more…” I
could go on with the types of critical and unflattering thoughts people allow
to fill their minds, but, I think you get the picture. If unchecked, these
types of thoughts can fill your mind to the point that these become the only
thoughts you have of your spouse. In the beginning, they seem like harmless
thoughts. But, over time, you allow yourself to get used to thinking that way.
Fault finding becomes your default mode and you don’t even know how you got
there. You may not even be aware that you are there. Once you fall into that “I
love him (her), but…” mode, you have basically doomed your marriage
relationship to one of mediocrity at best.
(2 Corinthians 13:5) “Examine yourselves as to whether
you are in the faith. Test yourselves.” This is an excellent scripture to put
into use if you find your mind is filling up with these fault
finding/criticizing thoughts. Examine yourself and see how you are thinking
toward your spouse. See if you are purposeful in making sure there is a balance
in your thinking or are you just on automatic pilot. Once you examine yourself
and see where you are, take charge of your thoughts. Fill yourself with
thoughts of love on a regular basis. You have to almost train yourself to think
loving thoughts because you have probably allowed the critical thoughts to go
on for so long that they seem the natural way to think. Plus, you never have to
try to think fault finding thoughts. They come on their own if you don’t put a
stop to it. Learn to enjoy mentally loving your spouse. Relish in it. The more
you think of each other in loving ways, the more you will act toward each other
in loving ways. That is real. Do not fall into the trap of the, “I love him
(her) because…) way of thinking. It seems good, but, if there comes a time that
your spouse cannot do what is on the other side of that “because”, that reason
for loving her (him) dies. So, no “I love her (him) because…” Just, “I love him
(her). Fall in love with loving each other. You will definitely enjoy it.
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