"...and the two shall become one flesh."(Gen.2:24)

"If I get married, I’m supposed to only have sex with one person for the rest of my life?" "I don't know if I could have sex with the same person for the rest of my life." "Men are predators by nature. We CAN’T be monogamous." "Having sex with the same person for the rest of my life would be sooooo boring."

Questions and statements like these are pretty common today. People use this train of thought as an excuse not to get married (or remain faithful in their commitment). They have convinced themselves that no one person could possibly fulfill their sexual needs. And they are probably right. When you are only thinking about your own needs getting met, no one can live up to your expectations, just as you can't live up to anyone else's expectations. Self-centeredness is impossible to satisfy.

The idea that you have to have multiple sexual partners to be satisfied is an illusion. First of all, let me say that most of the time, sex is good. There is no argument there. It's the "after sex" where the problem starts. As long as I have been a man, (and that's been a long time), men, while enjoying the actual act, generally feel empty and unfulfilled once it is over. That is why they often disrespect the woman they have just been with. They go from woman to woman thinking that it will get better, but, it doesn't. So, women become "catch action." They become "something to do" until something better comes along…like him getting up and making a lame excuse as to why he has to leave as soon as it is over. And I don't think I have ever met a woman who truly enjoys being simply a "booty call" in someone's address book. Or, to put it more bluntly, when I was younger, a man might refer to a woman as "peanut butter…because she spreads so easily."

Sex is not bad. It is indeed good. God gave it to us as a means of both procreation and as a means of expressing love. When sex becomes the goal, an end in itself, then it is a problem. People who make sex a goal will not be satisfied very long if at all. We get back to the self centeredness. They are looking for someone to satisfy their needs. When you are seeking sex just for the sex, you are all about yourself. You might as well masturbate. That is all you are using the other person for- your self gratification.

The thing that makes sex in marriage so great is that it is not the goal any longer. It is a means to a goal. Love, intimacy, closeness, oneness…these are goals. Sex becomes a part of an overall lifestyle of love, romance and intimacy. As your relationship becomes more intimate, you love going to sleep together and waking up beside each other. The touch of her skin as she lays close in your arms, the warmth of his breath on the back of your neck, the way you fit perfectly into each others' arms, these are things you grow to appreciate. You, quite simply, love the way your spouse smells on you. When sex becomes the natural result of the love that you share, the intimacy that you have, the oneness that you have developed, it doesn't grow old…EVER. When you learn to make love to each other 24 hours a day, in big ways, in little ways, but, always, sex becomes a part of the overall love affair. It doesn't become the whole thing. Sex is no longer a "performance." It is an expression. Instead of seeking self gratification, you begin to truly enjoy one another. You please one another rather than yourself. Even during those times when you can't have sex, you can still make love. The way you think about each other. The way you look at each other. The ways you touch one another. The way you connect with one another. Making love is a continual process that goes way beyond sex. Foreplay is a lifestyle. Romance is a state of mind.

Remember that love is a choice. Desiring someone is also a choice. You can desire someone as deeply as you want to. When you chose to desire your spouse at that deepest level, there is no room for anyone else in your bed and you don't want to be in anyone else's bed. It’s up to you to CONTROL your choices.