Tit For Tat

Love is often treated like a child’s game. We wait to see what the other person is going to do and then we react. We only show love when it is shown to us first. And, we try to measure it out to make sure that we only give as much as we got and not a drop more. To top it off, we are surprised when, after a period of time, our love hasn’t grown. It has, in fact, become stagnant. That’s the way it is with tit for tat love. By waiting, you wait yourself into mediocrity.

I had to look at God’s love for me in order to learn how to truly love my wife. God doesn’t love me because…He doesn’t love me if…He doesn’t love me although…He just loves me. Jesus didn’t die for me because I deserved it. He died for me because He loved me. He loved me by choice not by response. I am told to love my wife as Christ loves the Church.

As I started putting all of this together, I found a whole new freedom in loving my wife. If I love her as God loves me, then it is not dependent on what she does. She did not do anything to earn my love so she can’t do anything to lose it. I love her by choice. That means that I can love her as deeply as I want to. And I have found that there are no limits to the depth of my love for her. Once I started loving her freely, my love continues to grow deeper and deeper as time goes on. I am really looking forward to exploring depths of love that I haven’t even imagined yet. Loving her in this way, by choice, means also that she doesn’t have to continually prove her love for me. She is free to love me freely and without strings. In other words, she is not compelled to stay with me. She is here because she wants to be and so am I.

Like I said, it’s not tit for tat love. I don’t wait for her to show me love before I show her love. I just love her. If we both freely give, we both receive. Jesus died for me without any guarantee of me responding to His love. I had to learn to love my wife without any guarantee of her responding to my love. Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the Church is the command. That is how Christ loves the Church: Freely. That’s how I love my wife.

In that freedom, I am free to be faithful to my wife. I am not compelled to cheat. I am free to desire her as much as I want to (And that’s a whole bunch). I want her to always feel beautiful because I am looking at her. I want her to always see desire for her in MY eyes. When I gaze at her, I want her to know that she still has it. And from my gaze I want her to know that I still want it.
I can’t determine how much or even how she loves me. That’s up to her. I can only control how much and how I love her. I can only do my part and she can only do hers. In this freedom of love, we are free to forgive some things. We are free to work through some things. We are free to build a life together… to grow together… to become one together. To continue to love each other as deeply as possible is our choice. What is yours?