The Missing Link

You have either heard it or said it before. It goes something like this: “We need to talk.” Or, “Let’s talk.” It’s either one of those two phrases or something that means talking about it. It’s been drilled into you over and over that in order to have a great or even good relationship you have to deal with the “C” word: COMMUNICATION!!! And, in truth, communication is very important. You have to learn how to talk to one another. When to talk to one another. Where to talk to one another. Talking out small things helps to keep them from turning into big things.

It is common to hear someone complain about their marriage saying, “We just don’t talk anymore.” It is at this point where they usually say that they have “grown apart.” In order to fix the situation, they feel that they need to communicate. And they probably do. The thing is, communication by itself often doesn’t help. I have seen people communicate perfectly. They are in total agreement. They communicate and agree with each other right to divorce court. They are in total communication and complete agreement that they no longer want to be together. So, lack of communication was not the problem. What they communicated about was the problem. Communication alone was the problem.

What they needed more than communication was the re-establishment of CONNECTION. Jesus told the loveless church in Rev. 2:5 to remember from where they had fallen, to repent and to repeat their first works. That is a great principle to use here. Use the three R’s: Remember, Repent and Repeat. To rebuild that connection you first need to remember how it used to be. Remember the intimacy, the touch, the feelings, the concern that made you want to be together in the first place. Remember the point in your wedding ceremony when you first truly realized that this is my wife, this is my husband. Remember that feeling of anticipation. Remember how you could not wait to be in her presence, how you couldn’t wait for his call. Get all of the business of your career, your education, your job title, your degree, the house, the bills and everything else out of your minds and just remember each other. Reconnection starts in the mind…REMEMBER!!!

REPENT!!! If what you are doing is not working, stop doing it. To repent means to do a 180 degree turn from the direction that you are going in. Look at what you are doing with each other that is not working, stop it and start to do something else. You know if you are contributing to the relationship or not. You know if you are being loving or not. Whatever YOU are doing to hurt the relationship, stop it. Stop the hurtful language in talking to one another; stop the cold silences; stop the nagging, complaining and criticizing (even helpful criticism).

Remember, repent and REPEAT. Repeat your first works of love toward each other. Repeat the walks, the drives, the dinner dates. Most of all, repeat the feelings, how you think of each other, how you treat each other. Then, create new memories to repeat. Fall in love again. Like I always say, this is a decision of choice, not merely of feelings. You have to decide to love each other all over again. You have to decide to have a great, life long love affair with each other. You have to decide to make your marriage special. And you have to make those choices and those decisions every day. Today is the day that you have. Yesterday is gone and tomorrow hasn’t come yet. So, decide today to love one another…then do it.

Communication by itself doesn’t necessarily lead to a better marriage relationship. But, communication out the context of connection does. Quite often, connection is the missing link. Reconnect to God. Reconnect to each other. Reconnect to love. Reconnect today.