What's My Name?

When Cassious Clay first changed his name to Muhammad Ali, he fought a fighter named Ernie Terrell. Terrell refused to call Clay Muhammad Ali. So, when they fought and Ali had the fight well in hand, he began to taunt Terrell. Every time he would hit Ernie, he would yell out “What’s my name!” Whap!!! “What’s my name!!!?” Whap!!! Whap!!! “WHAT’S MY NAME!!!?” Terrell finally got his name right. What’s your name? In her twenty eight years of being alive, my daughter, Maisha, has never heard me call her mother out of her name. No matter how much we disagreed or argued over a situation, I never called her out of her name.

We named our daughter Maisha. We did not name her bitch, ‘ho, or whore. We did not name her any other derogatory name. We named her Maisha. I have always told her not to accept being called out of her name by any one. I don’t care if it is in today’s music or even if it has become an acceptable part of today’s cultural environment, to call a woman a bitch or ‘ho is total disrespect. No race, no family, no couple can grow strong if there is not respect for the woman.

“Lady” is a nickname that I have always had for my daughter. When she was about 12 or 13, she asked me one day, “Why do you always call me ‘Lady’?” I told her it was because I wanted her to remember that is what she is, to always act like one and to never let any boy treat her less than a lady. A real man will always treat a woman with respect . I told her that she doesn’t ever have to settle for anything in a relationship less than a real man. He can use his most romantic “Barry White” voice to say “You’re my bitch.” When he says that, it’s time to step. If he says it, he’s thinking it. If he’s thinking it, eventually he will treat you that way because if you stay, you are by your actions saying that it is okay for him to treat you that way. It’s a pimp mentality. He will treat you sweet and disrespect you at the same time. It is a means of control. STEP as fast as you can because you have a BOY with a pimp’s mind who will use you up and move on to the next woman who is weak enough to let him in. Don’t think he is going to change. If you accepted him that way, why should he? What’s even worse is when you come to the point to where you accept yourself as a bitch or a ‘ho.

I have heard all of the excuses (there are no real reasons) for this type of language directed at women. The main one seems to be that this is just the language of the streets today. No harm is meant. Well, it really doesn’t matter what’s meant. What matters is what happens. What matters is what the effects are. When you have 6 and 7 year old boys thinking it’s alright to call girls ‘ho’s, there is harm. When you have young girls giggling when some stupid boy calls her a bitch, there is harm. When the degradation of women becomes acceptable, there is harm. When a man loses the ability to love a woman because he thinks of all women as bitches and ‘ho’s , there is harm. When a woman has no respect for her self and thinks she is unworthy of true love, there is harm.

I was a member of the Watt’s Writer’s Workshop back in the ‘70’s. I remember when the men in the workshop along with other poets from both the West coast and the East coast had a meeting and declared that it was time to stop disrespecting our women in the writing. It was time to start uplifting them in every way that we could. It happened then with just a decision to do it. The same thing can happen now with just a decision to do it.

What I said to my daughter, I say to all women: Never let a man define you into something less than what you are. I should say a boy because a man would not do that to begin with. There is so much yet to be said in this area to both men and women. I can’t say it all here. But, I can say to you, Respect yourself. Respect others. Expect to be respected by others. Don’t stay in a disrespectful relationship. If God loved you enough to die for you, how can you love yourself any less? If God thought you were precious enough to die for you, how can you stay in a relationship with a man who thinks of you as a bitch? Hold yourself to a higher standard in life than the current culture demands. Remember, culture is just what you do. Maybe it is time to start doing something else.