But, What About The Pain?

HER TEARS FELL

By Charles H. Perkins

So much love to give
such a long time since
she had given it.
He was gone…
and she was fine being alone
until her aloneness turned to loneliness.
Then…Her tears fell…

How often had she thought,
“If there were only someone…”
But, there was no one…
There was no one.
Alone…Her tears fell.

When there was love, there were no tears.
But, love had fluttered out her life
on the wings of a butterfly
leaving from it’s resting place
in her heart.
No more love…Her tears fell.

Tears washing away the dust
from yesterday’s memories.
Tears Dissolving cobwebs from the innocence
that once flowed freely
through her spirit when she had loved.

She saw life as an outlaw
stealing her love
and taking the knife of nothingness
to pierce her spirit
so that happiness
slowly oozed from the wound
and fell in drops of crushed emotions
at her feet.
A wounded spirit…Her tears fell.

Although, at the end,
it had been bitter,
she remembered only
the tender moments they shared…
all the love they made…
the good times.
Now, the good times were gone.
He was gone.
So…Her tears fell.

Tomorrow would come…
Her tears would be dry…
Her wounded spirit healed…
But, right now, being alone
and being lonely…
Her tears fell.

c. 1970

Break-ups can be funny. They can indeed be very funny. Or, maybe I just have a weird sense of humor. Back in the pre-historic times of the 1960's, I was in the military and engaged to a young lady back home. Naturally, we wrote each other love letters (There was no email back then, so we actually bought stationary and wrote letters). One day, I received the most beautiful love letter from her that I had ever received. It went on to proclaim undying love for me. I mean it was just filled with wonderful declarations of love. She had never written me a letter so loving before. The next day…THE VERY NEXT DAY, I received a letter from her telling me that she was getting married to someone else. The contrast was so great between the two letters, one of undying love for me and the other telling me that she's leaving me for someone else, that I couldn't even get mad. In fact, all I could do was laugh. For some reason it struck me as the funniest thing that had ever happened to me. But, having been married for 34 years now, I can say that my love life turned out great anyway.

Some break-ups can be funny. Most are not. Most break-ups are painful. There are the obvious painful break-ups that result from abuse, adultery, drugs and alcohol.

Sometimes it is not quite so clear as to why the break-up occurs, although you can see the relationship coming to an end. The feelings are fading. The desire is fading. The interest is fading. And so on…Until finally, the relationship fades. There may not even be any harsh words or attitudes. Just the reality that it is over. And then, the pain starts. Pain that comes from a feeling of failure and disappointment. Pain of a lost love that could have been, but is helpless to be. You both want to stop it and go on with a life together, but you don't know how, so, you break up. The lost is painful and it is a pain that has built up over time.

Then there is the sudden break up. The break up that is not expected. You think that everything is cool and then one party decides to end it just like that. And, to top matters off, he or she has no real explanation as to why they want to end it. They come up with some sort of excuse, but, no real reason. The pain is sudden and sharp because you are not prepared for it.

There are all kinds of break-ups. If you live long enough, you will probably experience one if you haven't already. But, after the acceptance of it, after deciding to go on with your life, after all is said and done, what about the pain?

In most cases, there will be pain. It hurts to lose someone that you love. Well meaning friends and relatives will tell you not to worry. They will tell you that everything will be alright. They will tell you that you will get over him (her). It will sound like noise to you, but you listen anyway because you realize that they mean well and that they don't know what else to say. Even though you don't want to hear it, they are right. Worrying never solved anything. It only makes it worse. And, at some point, you will get over it. When that point is depends on you.

Things such as acceptance and forgiveness speed up the process of getting over the pain. But, TIME is the main healer of a broken heart. After the acceptance and forgiveness (both are necessary), you begin to take control over life again. Each day, you gain small victories in the healing process. Just when you are sure that you have gotten over it, something happens to spur a memory, a feeling and the pain hits you again. Don't worry. You are not having a relapse. If you loved someone, it is only natural that the pain of the break-up will reoccur from time to time. But, in time, it will reoccur less and less. Then, eventually, not at all. You will be able to see the person without any pain, anger, disappointment or feelings of loss. Eventually, you will get past all of the pain. It may not seem like it at the time, but you will.

I personally don't care for pity parties. When I hurt, I look for things to cheer me up. I don't need people telling me how bad things are. I already know that. But, if you feel you need a pity party to vent, get together with a couple of good friends, have a good community crying session one or two times then start your healing process. You can't continue to have folks around you telling you how no good he was and how she did you wrong. You already know all of that. The longer you keep up a pity party, the longer you will stay in the same place emotionally. Things that stay in the same place tend to stagnate. At some point, you have to decide to live again. You have to decide to stop being somebody's "ex" and start being the new you. Pain is much easier to deal with when you are in control of your life. You are in control when you decide to take control. God gave you a mind and a free will. Use them to set yourself free. Yes, it will take time. But, the amount of time depends on you.