The Wrong Question

The Wrong Question (Particularly for a man to ask)

"Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything."(Eph. 5:22-24).

I know some church brothers who are really cool in every aspect of their Christianity except when it comes to this passage. They seem to totally lose their minds. I have told my daughter many times to always ask a brother how he interprets this scripture before she gets serious about him. Over the years, I've lost count of how many brothers have come up to me and asked, "Brother Perkins, how can I get my wife to submit to me?" Every time I hear that question, I feel like getting a two block running start and smacking that brother into the middle of next week. But, I don't. I know that the Lord would want me to give him an answer. So I ask the brother where he got the idea that his wife was supposed to submit to him. Funny thing: Brothers who may not even know John 3:16 seem to know Eph. 5:22. So, the brother dazzles me with his scriptural adeptness. He quotes it as if he had written it himself. After which I ask him what the commandment is in the passage. He comes back with the fact that it is telling his wife to submit to him. I ask him whom the passage is directed to. He correctly points out that it is definitely directed to the wife. I ask him if he sees any place in the passage that says "Husbands, get your wife to submit to you”; or "Husbands, make your wife submit to you”; or "Husbands, trick your wife into submitting to you, force your wife to submit to you, buy your wife's submission", or anything of the sort. He thinks for a moment and comes to the conclusion, "NO" on all accounts. Then, I ask him if he's ever seen any place in the Bible from Genesis to Revelations that tells the husband to do any of that stuff. Again, "NO." I ask him, "If the scripture is not addressed to you and you can't find any place in the Bible that tells you to make or to get your wife to submit, then why are you asking that question?" Blank stare, silence. So, I give him the Bible and tell him to find the passage in Eph. 5 that really is addressed to him. "Husbands, love your wives just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her."(Eph. 5:25).

Let's look at a few ways that Jesus showed love for the church. First of all, He showed His followers how to be submitted to the Father by being totally submitted Himself. "For I have come down from Heaven, not to do my own will, but the will of Him who sent Me."(John 6:38) Are you, as a husband and leader of your home showing your wife an example of your total submission to the Father? Can she see your love for Him? Can she see your desire to obey Him? To serve Him? Start strengthening your relationship with the Lord. That is always the first thing a Christian husband should be about.

Jesus was a leader. The Word tells husbands to be leaders. Leaders...Not BOSSES!!! Jesus defined leadership as service. "But Jesus called them to Himself and said to them, 'You know that those who are considered rulers over the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones exercise authority over them. Yet it shall not be so among you; but whoever desires to become great among you shall be your servant; and whoever of you desires to be first shall be slave to all. For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve; and to give His life as a ransom to many'."(Mk. 10:42-45).

How are you serving your wife? How can you serve her better? When is the last time you washed her feet? Do you make her feel special? We know from many scriptures that the disciples became better people under Jesus' leadership. He saw talents in them that they did not know they had. He helped them to discover and develop those talents. He built up their confidence. He established an atmosphere of growth. Has your wife become a better person under your leadership? If not, why not? Have you discovered hidden talents in her and encouraged her to develop them? Is she a more confident person being married to you than she was before she married you? Have you established an atmosphere of growth in your home so that she feels comfortable expressing herself knowing that you won't ridicule her if she makes a mistake? What kind of a leader are you, my brother? These are just a few things you should be considering. There are many more. Get into the Word and find them.

The subject of your wife's submission to you really should never come up in your conversation. You should be too busy talking about what the Lord has told you to do. Yes, my brother, you have many questions to ask. But, "How do I get my wife to submit?" is not one of them.